Divorce is NEVER The End

So, why do those of us who become divorced think it is? Maybe it’s because we become comfortable with what we have, Maybe because we’re afraid of what’s on the other side of that door…
Maybe we just like it here.

 

6 years ago… After my divorce,  if you asked me where I’d be right now, I’d never in a million years say HERE.

 
But, I am…and if this is what The End looks like, I love it!
Divorce Dazed is not the first divorce writing I’ve done, I had a column back at home (in Connecticut where I am from) and there I wrote about how I worked through the process. Divorce Dazed was born later, when I had the desire to share with others what I learned from it, how to laugh about it, and what to do after it. I’ve been blogging as a whole since October 2010  and at some point along the way, my ability to write and relate to others has grown into 2 more blogsa parenting column in a magazine and now a business.
At this point, my divorce has become one of the greatest blessings in my life… 
but on that note, it’s also time for more change.
I’ve accomplished a lot since my divorce and now I’m working on some other goals, like focusing on my flourishing business and my parenting book… so my divorce blogging ‘daze’ will have to take a back seat.
There are 160 posts for you to choose from on Divorce Dazed, and if you’re going through a divorce or preparing for one, use the search bar to find some priceless pieces of advice. And… if you’re interested in following me on the rest of my journey of the brokenclick here… because like I’ve always said:

 ~ LIFE GOES ON ~

BE INSPIRED BY THIS BLOG,  BY YOUR DIVORCE &

BY YOUR FUTURE.

I am…

If you follow the instructions,
it will feel like you are walking off a cliff…
Do it anyway, 
it’s worth the ride.

 

 

There was a death in my family recently.
I had to travel out of state for it,
 so I spent a lot of time in the car.
It gave me time to think…
The death was difficult for me
and brought up a lot of memories
(both good and bad).
It led me to remember where I came from,
how I got here,
and everything which happened in between.
And, for a while, I felt sad and sorry for all those bumps in the road….
but, then I realized…
They all led me
here,
and ‘here’ is where I’m supposed to be.
You’re divorce is part of your destiny; you cannot change it,
but you can be grateful for it.
Today, make a list of at least 3 amazing reasons why you are divorced (or on the broken road).
 
Here are my 3 amazing reasons for the broken roads in my life:
1) My 3 Beautiful Children
2 ) The Woman/Parent I Have Become
3) My Amazing New Husband
 

 

 


TRUE:
Divorce is the end of our marriage,
 and a chapter in our lives,
But, it doesn’t have to be the end of our world,
our life,
or our happiness!
TRUE:
‘Nobody can go back and start a new beginning…

but
Anyone can start today and make a new ending.’
-Maria Robinson
LET GO OF YOUR OLD STORY,
AND REWRITE A NEW ONE WITH A MAGNIFICENT ENDING!
TODAY!!!!

“Whenever I date a guy I think, ‘Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?’ – Rita Rudner

This quote was funny to me at first, because Rita Rudner is funny, and I’m divorced with children.

But, then I realized, a young woman in love usually dreams about the opposite:
 ‘Will this guy be a good father and husband?’

That’s when I thought this quote was scary.

It’s not only imperative that my children choose the right partner for life/marriage, because I want them to be happy and have a healthy relationship and children, if they choose this lifestyle,
but also because divorce is a free right, and very commonly done in the U.S., 
so I want them to consider their rough patches in a more serious light, prior to marriage.

They need to ask themselves, ‘If I don’t like this now, how will it be if I wind up divorced from this person (which is a dirty business) and co-parenting for the rest of my life with them…

A Note for All Young Loves and Potential Marriages:
It doesn’t get better after marriage and it surely won’t get better after divorce…
Please pay attention to signs, red flags and issues…

No amount of love and wedding bells, or children, will fix these things.
And, it would be better to reevaluate now, before you live the rough patch, for the rest of your life, 
and as that person’s worst enemy because then it’s even less fun.

Not a downer, 
just the truth.

Marriage is serious business.
And should not be taken lightly.

If you’re divorced with kids, you might still be battling the guilt that goes with being divorced. But, I want to let you know, you shouldn’t let it eat you alive.

First of all, it’s already done, and you can’t go back and change things.

Secondly, according to a piece written by Mary Parke regarding a research study done by CLASP (Center for Law and Social Policy), it’s possible that the quality of the parent’s relationship can be more significant in your children’s life, than divorce.

Even though I’ve always thought this was true, (hence why I left my ‘X’) it’s one of those things most people like to see in writing before they believe it…

This is what I’ve always thought: 
“How could it be better for a kid (or kids) to deal with horrible repeat fights, constant underlying stress and the discord between two parents, over a divorce?” I just could never believe it was, and I worried that my children would grow up witnessing our continued mistakes then go out and repeat them…

Here’s the article:
Doesn’t the Quality of the Relationship Matter More Than the Piece of Paper?

The quality of the relationship between parents matters to child well-being. Children who grow up in married families with high conflict experience lower emotional well-being than children who live in low-conflict families, and they may experience as many problems as children of divorced or never-married parents.47 Research indicates that marital conflict interferes with the quality of parenting. Furthermore, experiencing chronic conflict between married parents is inherently stressful for children, and children learn poor relationship skills from parents who aren’t able to solve problems amicably. When parents have a highly discordant relationship, children are often better off in the long run if their parents divorce. Between 30 and 40 percent of divorces of couples with children are preceded by a period of chronic discord between the parents. In these situations, children do better when their parents divorce than if they stay married.

Seems that if parents who absolutely cannot get a long at all, go through with divorce, they help children avoid learning the ill-handled conflict and poor relationship and communication habits. (Hence why it’s best to get help to learn how to improve these, but it’s not all parents benefit from it, which leads us back to the divorce option.)

In my own personal case, I know that this time around in my second marriage, my children see two adults dealing with our disagreements better. We are not perfect, but we do handle our disagreements better and communicate more successfully than my first husband and I did. Although I did feel very guilty after my divorce because I really thought I might be messing up my kids, I have learned that they are witnessing a much healthier relationship, and will benefit from this today, and always. Hopefully, I will help them break the cycle. (That was the goal.)

What made you feel guilty about your divorce?

How do you think your children have benefited through the divorce?

Divorced Daze: Missing Post

Posted: June 25, 2012 in divorce

 Since I’ve been out of the office (and frankly it seems I’ve been out of my own body and mind as well) for a week, some posts have become M.I.A.

Here’s this past Monday’s post: There are 3 Types of Divorcees