I know from experience, it’s impossible to heal on our own power, alone.This blog post, written by a fellow blogger, says it so much better:
‘Once we make the decision to allow God to heal, 
He begins to show you the reasons you are hurting.  
Just because He showed me the thing that…’
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I bet you didn’t.

Unless you got onto that topic of conversation, of course.

Well, I did, and was surprised when he told me.

But should I have been?

Because supposedly, one in every two marriages ends in divorce, and according to a study I read on divorce by country, 4.95 people per thousand are divorced in America.

I completely believe divorce is just one of those things that’s going to be around for as long as mistakes are….not that I like it…because I don’t…but I grew up with it, did it, and well…

This is my thought:

Considering errors have been in existence for (oh, let’s say) forever…I’m afraid that divorce isn’t going anywhere. (Unless our government decides to take that freedom away from us too.)

Truths:


We are human,
imperfect,
broken,
and at the mercy of a powerful driving force which is not always looking our for us; our brain.

The Craziness:
Love…and our powerhouse of a mind…
Yes, that’s right, our deep desires, our incredible love for acceptance and affection… our own ability to justify, accept, and deny problems…all actions which can lead to mistakes. Sometimes, mistakes in love.

We don’t do it because we want divorce…on the contrary, we do it because we have hope…


Another part of human nature…


Although this is a post divorce blog,
and I am divorced…
I’d still love to see the divorce rate decrease,
so I occasionally write about marriage…
In a past post on my other blog I wrote
This article will help
you know if it’s wrong.
 
      (If you still want to go through with it,
this cake topper can be found at:
I never believed this quote by Groucho Marx:

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce….

But, I guess it could have some merit considering what I know now.
It’s long been said that those who live together first, then marry, will have a higher chance of divorce.

According to this article :

1. Higher Divorce Rate
Perhaps the most compelling and widespread argument against living together before marriage is that several researchers say it increases the risk of breaking up. Virtually all studies of this topic have shown that the chance of divorce is significantly greater for married couples who lived together first. And in 1992, the National Survey of Families and Households found that, in 3,300 families, married couples who had lived together first were judged to be 46 percent more likely to get divorced.

After my divorce in 2006, this type of study (and outcomes) were still leaning towards this being true, though I never really believed it. Although my ‘X’ and I did live together first, I never thought that had anything to do with our divorce.
Living together first would actually put you in a better position I’d think.

I have always said that you never really know someone until you live with them. I’d have to imagine that if you are able to live with someone first, you would have the chance to get to know them better, then decide better whether or not should marry them.

(It’s true: everyone has an outward face or personality and some things many people including our close friends might not know about us. We all put on our best when we are out with others and the only way to deeply know a person is to live with them day in and day out. That way you see their habits- both goodand bad.)

This way, if you live with someone and suddenly cannot stand them, chances are you won’t marry them, and in turn, won’t be getting divorced.

While writing this, I wanted to see if the old statistics are still being pushed… so I looked up some more recent stats on ‘live-together-before-marriage-leads-to-higher-divorce rates’… and I found this.

Hmmm… sure does sound more logical (and more accurate).

Sometimes it seems impossible to appreciate lost love…
 But I learned a long time ago from a good friend,
that we need to appreciate all things
which happen to us;
 even the bad ones.
and 
‘Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
~ Dr. Seuss
Today make a list of ten good things that came out of your Divorce.


Come on…I know you can do it.

If I can, you can:
My 10 Good Things:

1. My 3 amazing children
2. My new life and career
3. My stronger sense of self
4. Our many years of fun and freedom when young love was simple and easy
5. The fact that my ‘X’ taught me to order something different off the menu every time I eat out
6. 2 years of being a stay at home Mom (probably the most priceless experience besides giving birth)
7. My amazing 2nd husband
8. My renewed trust in God
9. Increased inner strength, self confidence and self respect
10. The ability to help better educate my children on ‘life’

Someone else once said to me that ‘Nothing is a loss’…

 

A divorce is like an amputation; you survive, but there’s less of you. -Margaret Atwood

There are so many messages within this video.
One of my favorites is at the very end:
“Leave the past behind and embrace the present”