Archive for the ‘Intro’ Category

HOW TO DEAL…DURING DIVORCE

Posted: March 28, 2012 in Intro

 

 
 
Sometimes, when things are upside down, it’s just better to admit they are,
than try to pretend they’re not…
 
Check out this blog post to see:

#4 is crucial….

Fun Friday Quote and A Note

Posted: February 17, 2012 in Intro

 

Anyone who’s been divorced knows how crazy it sounds to get remarried.
I know, because I did it,
and what’s more crazy is that
 once you are married the second time,
it actually seems even more crazy now that you’ve done it!
~
This is my wedding cake from my recent re-marriage
 and what might not be too apparent is that on the left side of the cake
is a framed quote.
It reads….
“I love being married. 
It’s so great to find that one special person
 you want to annoy for the rest of your life. 
-Anonymous
Life isn’t perfect,
People aren’t perfect,
Marriage and divorce are far from perfect.
So, if you are thinking about doing the unthinkable,
like getting remarried,
Remember this: 
Marriage is the same the second time around- it’s hard work.
And divorce is no easier.
No matter how you slice it,
neither is a piece of cake.

Revenge…

Posted: February 6, 2012 in Intro

 

Getting even throws everything out of balance.

~ Joe Browne

Are You Ready For Court?

Posted: January 18, 2012 in Intro

Personally, I certainly was not ready for court.

I was a mess.

I was mad, I was scared. I felt guilty and clueless. I didn’t know where to start and always focused on the moment at hand (including the feelings) rather than looking ahead.

More than once I found myself inside the court for my divorce, and many more times I found myself facing attorneys and my ‘X’ and not always knowing how to clearly explain what I wanted to say.

It seemed too difficult and frustrating to get my thoughts together, remain focused and keep myself from crying, jumping over the table and strangling someone, or screaming out loud, ‘I hate you all!’.

After a few outrageous moments (out of court-thank goodness) I found that I was just too close to the ‘subject at hand’ to get my thoughts out successfully. The emotional connection to the marriage, the divorce and the kids, was enough to impede all, and anything, I had to say.

It took lots of time, and many suggestions from others, for me to learn the ropes of ‘legal’ battles.

If you are about to venture into the courtroom for a divorce, or are planning to go back to court, contact me.

I can help you quickly learn how to more effectively communicate your intentions, and desires, so that your attorney will know what to fight for, the judge will be more apt to listen, and your soon to be ‘X’ will be more inclined to cooperate.

Whether you are representing yourself during the divorce proceedings or have an attorney, contact me to:

  • Learn how to improve your communication under stress
  • Focus more on what the court cares about so you get your desires met
  • Get assistance writing up formal letters to the court and reviewing those you will be submitting
  • Reviewing your potential custody arrangements for weaknesses which could cause future problems

Your divorce is one thing you never want to do alone.

Posted: January 16, 2012 in Intro

The other day I came across this article about a man who’s apparently dragging out a lawsuit with a wedding photographer, who supposedly botched the guys wedding photos.

I believe in treating customers with respect and delivering the service you’ve promised, and if this is not done right, I also believe in certain measures to ensure the customer is reimbursed…but what I don’t believe is spending time and stress on what’s not important and/or asking for unreasonable compensation.

Missed moments in a wedding can never be regained. The time has passed. The photographers were there for just about the entire wedding, got the most important moments, and from what I can see, the photos didn’t come out too shabby.

So, should he just let it go? Maybe, because like the groom’s special day, which is long gone (they were married in 2003), likewise, the bride is also gone.

True! They divorced in  2010. This is clearly a very sad case of a husband hanging on too tightly to the past. And, no matter how hard he tries to force the photographer to re-stage the photo shoot and his ‘X’-Bride to stand there in her gown. According to Stacy Zaretsky’s blog post on AbovetheLaw.com: ‘according to (photographers) H & H’s founder, Curt Fried, apparently doesn’t even know where his ex-wife lives …’)

While this man’s wedding day might have been the happiest moments in his life, there is nothing he can do to get it back. Honestly, after divorce, there is usually not much that can be done to reconcile.

If you are holding on too tightly to your wedding day feelings…let them go.
The wedding was never the marriage anyways…it was just THE day in the past that you said your vows and partied with friends on. Seriously, it had very little to do with the success or demise of your marriage.

Nothing will get those wedding-day-feelings (or those happy-parts-of-the-marriage) back.

The divorce is real.  It happened.

Tuck the wedding photos away in a drawer for after the wounds have healed…don’t try to relive it…just remember it…

Divorce can, and will, leave a large hole in a person’s life (and in their heart) which often seems as if it might never be filled.

I know this because I’ve been there before.

It was my choice to divorce my children’s father, break up my family, and walk away from a ten year marriage, and I might have been excited about the end of misery and a new beginning, but I was still very angry about the time wasted…and there wasn’t one thing I was thankful for, besides the kids.

I felt empty.

On the surface I was hopeful and motivated, but on the inside I was angry and petrified.

It took me a long time to before I realized that divorce was not the end of the world, that it was only the end of a chapter in my life.

Our lives are a series of things…
Of heartaches, heartbreaks, challenges and obstacles, which all help make us more of who we are…

Divorce is just one of those things that must be tackled, succeeded and which we can grow from.

But, to be done, one very important thing is needed, gratitude.

There were many times when I had no hope, no positive outlook, or desire to dream when I was coping with the many struggles of divorce…but I’m amazed at where I am now, how I feel, and what I have accomplished.

To heal, you must be grateful for today… tomorrow…yesterday…and everything in between.

A motto, that during my divorce, I had ordered and printed in the memo section of my checks to remind me that the tough times would pass, was: ‘Today is not forever’…You’re getting a second chance and this time it will be better.

If you are looking for ways to become more appreciative, try B.A.G., get yourself a journal (even a small flip note book), or post a few gratitude quotes around the house. Be thankful for the gift of life, the friends, family (children), and freedom of choice that you are blessed with.

If it’s bad, learn from it and let it go. 
When it’s good, no matter how small, cherish it.