Should Divorce Change the Way You Parent?

Posted: April 23, 2012 in divorce
Tags: , , ,


I never really liked the assumptions that I used to get in the beginning of my divorce. I especially disliked the comments I received, and sometimes still do:
“Well, I know you can understand, because you’re divorced, and obviously as a single mom, you parent your children differently now.” (People were referring to spoiling my children after divorce.)
After hearing that a few times, without much reply (because I was busy denying it), I actually had to wonder: “Do I really parent my kids differently after their dad and I separated? Do I spoil them?”
I’ve always been an involved, loving, compassionate, firm, no-nonsense, communicative mother.
 ~That’s who I was before the divorce, and I’d like to think that’s how I am now.
“I parent the same”…I still want what’s best for them, I still explain to them the facts of life, the troubles ahead and the importance of decisions. I still spend quality time with them, laugh, play and bake chocolate chip cookies. So what gives!?
I guide and love them the same, as if I were still married to their dad…..
The logistics have changed, that’s all.
Except, after I thought about it more, I had to admit, I might parent a little differently since the split almost seven years ago….
I MIGHT avoid sugar coating things even more now…
I MIGHT reveal more of myself than I did before…
AndI MIGHT take their errors to a whole new level of importance…
Because, I feel I need to drive home the fact that some mistakes are bigger than others…but all in all, I’m still me….AND, I still DON’T let them get away with murder, have everything they want or treat me with disrepect.
Do not feel shame or remorse because of your divorce, and never feel that you need to ‘make it up to them’.  Kids can become dependent on that and feed off of it; using it to their advantage. Children are resilient, and with enough love and faith in their lives, they will be okay. You need, now, more than ever, to keep things on an even keel and assure them that you are still you, and they are still them.
Use Divorce as a great time to get real with your kids. When parent’s are not perfect, it create’s an opportunity to explain how and why you messed up, what you learned and what you might have done differently. If you do this, there’s a good chance you can help them break the cycle.
Tips on How to Parent Your Child After Divorce:

Continue being yourself as a single parent.
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