What it Takes to Be Friends with Your ‘X’

Posted: April 9, 2012 in divorce, healing, marriage
Tags: ,

Not all divorcee’s need to be friends.

If they already split the stuff, paid the bills and divided up the pets, they can essentially just move on, and possibly never speak to one another again.

For divorced parents, it is not that simple.

My parents were never friends….though I wish they had been.
The divorce itself was already stressful enough, drop-off’s were even worse, and I hated it.

My current husband was very lucky, his father and mother were very mature. They were kind to one another and put themselves, and their troubles, aside for the children.

That’s how it should be done. 
No one’s better, no one’s the winner or loser;
just two parents loving their children.

If parents can think and act this way, kids get the best of both parents and they feel they can talk to, and trust both of them, and won’t fear getting caught in the middle.

In Successful Co-Parenting parents must remember, it’s about communication, flexibility, cooperation and love….

It is the children’s best interest which should always be at the forefront of the matter, moment and mood….hence why the court papers state this.


Let’s not forget:
It took two to fall in love,
It took two to get married,
It took two to create the child.

It took two to reduce the marriage,
It took two to divorce,
And, it will take two to be friends….
and work together for the betterment of the child.

Ways to help divorced parents work together:


~

If your ‘X’ is uncooperative, manipulative,
unfair, unwilling to work together, unable to communicate,
or is unkind, you can only assume that they have not yet reached that point of peace with the divorce as you have.
You will not be able to be friends with this person until they mature, forgive and find peace. And it’s possible that it may never happen.
But, you can take these steps for your children’s peace and well-being:
Or maybe you need to seek some advice from the experienced:

How do you successfully Co-Parent?

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Comments
  1. susannakd says:

    Everyone keeps telling me how lucky we are that we don’t have children and I recognize that….but it’s still hard. http://meantforsomethingbetter.com/2012/04/07/why-im-leaving-my-husband/

    • No matter kids are not, it is difficult…you’re right. Though those who tell you that you’re lucky know what they’re saying. I have to deal with my ‘X’ (and he must deal with me) for the rest of our lives…pretty much). It’s okay if the two can be friends, but that option has not worked out for us. The pain of divorce is great enough on one, never mind it affecting others. Adding children to the mix (in my case it’s 3) just makes the pain about 20x worse…that’s why it often takes parents longer to call it quits (if they do) because they stay for the kids. The good news is, because you do not have them, you only have to deal with your pain, not theirs too. You can still have all the things you’ve ever wanted. And by the sounds of it children is exactly one of those things. Except this time, you get the chance to do it right:) Divorce’s are second chances 🙂 and there are sunny days and certainly some really awesome rainbows ahead for you! Thanks so much for visiting my blog.

  2. I’ve been divorced for seven years. In that time I’ve learned one valuable lesson about effective co-parenting. “Treat it like a business” On the surface that may sound sterile but I know this, co-parenting involves emotions and when feelings get in the way mistakes are bound to happen. But keeping my relationship with my ex like a business and focusing on our goal of raising our children – together, I’ve discovered that our co-parenting relationships can and does prosper.

    • Thanks so much Kyle for stopping by and for sharing that tip. What a great approach.. Emotions can, all to often, take control of things and (if they are negative emotions) that generally leads to no where good.

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