Was the Time Invested in Your Marriage a Waste After Divorce?

Posted: November 28, 2011 in divorce, healing, marriage
Tags: ,

Ten years seems like forever.

That’s how long my first marriage was.

For the longest time after my divorce I would look back at those ten years and curse them (literally)…and curse myself as well.

I’d felt I’d ‘wasted’ so much time on that relationship. I was resentful that I’d never be able to get that time back and the only thing I was grateful for were the children we had from the marriage.

Whether you’ve spent one, two, ten, twenty-five or forty  years married, and then get a divorce, chances are you will automatically feel like those years have been thrown away in the trash, never to be regained.

Well, part of that is true.

None of those years can be relived. But none of them should be viewed as a waste. Ever.

Those years were full of growing, learning, and having experiences you never would have had without that relationship. There is a lot to be taken away from that. (Both good and bad.)

We should never squander our  precious present on regrets, woulda’s, shoulda’s, or coulda’s…..

That is a terrible use of time and a negative way to live. It’s only going to make us feel worse.

(Ask me how I know…)

It is very easy to get caught up in it, get angry, and tell ourselves ‘what was I thinking?’ being with that person if it wasn’t gong to work out….

But, I can tell you, that it makes no difference how long you spent together, how many anniversaries you shared or how many vacations you took or places you lived together….it wasn’t a waste….

But, it’s over now. And looking forward is what will benefit you to most…not looking back.

After six years of divorce, I can now see that ten years was only a small sliver of my life and that the best years, the best of my life is right now, right in front of me, and that there is plenty more to look forward to.

I like Dr. Phil’s advice. He’s always offers straight up, with no fluff. Sometimes he can give a hard pill to swallow, but boy, he always hits the mark.

Read some of his tips  about moving on after divorce.

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why we call it ‘The Present‘.” attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt “

 

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