Did You Marry Your Parent

Posted: August 15, 2011 in divorce
Tags: , ,

I did.

Then I divorced him.

Of course, you know I’m not talking about my father-father

But, I am talking about my ‘X’, who was a lot like my father.

Growing up I was a follower, not the leader type. I did what Dad told me. I tried to follow all of the rules and my goal was to obey.

During my teen years I sort of swayed away from it (what kid doesn’t?).

Eventually, I combined the two ways of life and became a pretty strong, happy, independent young woman.

Enter my ‘X’.

He was very much like my father, just a whole lot sweeter (at the time).

After a couple of years together, a marriage and a baby…I became the follower again. His persona was dominating and before I knew it, I wasn’t making much of my own choices in life anymore.

I was even being told how I felt, or didn’t feel…just like Daddy used to do.

I’d become passive, he’d become stronger, and I was no longer independent.

I’d married my father.

And I would not know it for many many years later…after my divorce.

Psychologists for years have been claiming that when choosing a mate, we gravitate towards what we know, whether we realize what we are doing, or not, and whether it’s healthy for us, or not.

We want the familiar. We want comfort.

And whether or not our familiar was ‘broken’ or ‘dysfunctional’, it is what it is, and it becomes what we desire and therefore soon becomes what we have.

As I get older, I admire the wonderful qualities that my father has.

He is a good listener, has a tender heart, and always reaches out to help.

These traits might not have been so obvious to me as a kid.

Or the other traits may have been more over powering.

Either way..

We cannot go back into our past marriage and fix it…or change who we married, but we can review what our marriage was like before divorce, identify those traits the ‘X’ probably have that Mom or Dad may have had which could’ve been unhealthy…

Then stay as far away from that in the future as possible…so as to not repeat the process.

Check out some of these links below for similar articles and more detailed information and maybe also share your experiences to help others.

Did you marry (and divorce) your parent? When did you realize it? 

How did you realize it, and what did you, or are you doing to ensure a healthier relationship next time?

Truly,

Amber

Book Resources:

Yikes…couldn’t find any…not worth mentioning. If you find any on this topic, please share.

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