Will My Kids Be A Statistic?

Posted: August 3, 2011 in divorce
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I remember six years ago when I was going through my divorce.

 

At one point my ‘X’ threw it in my face that since we were divorcing, so would all three of our children.

First off, they’d have to get married to do that…How did he know what each of them would decide?
Second, I not only took offense, but flat out denied that that would happen to them.
I am not a psychic.
I cannot see the future.
But I truly believe that my children have a better chance at marriage than us…
Because of the fact that their mother and father are divorced.
I know the statistics, and it’s true my parents are divorced…and now I am divorced.
So you could look at me and assume that it will indeed carry down to my children’s marriages.
Though I will argue that fact because
  • My parents never told me why they divorced.
  • They never told me that they started out badly to begin with.
  • They never shared with me what they did wrong once married.
  • My father got re-married and proceeded to repeat the process above.
  • My mother was not involved in my upbringing after the divorce.
So…now a little on me and my divorce:
  • At each step in the process of divorce I have explained to my children (age appropriately) what is happening.
  • I’ve explained what went wrong (that I am aware of) and what I would do right next time…additionally I teach them things about themselves to help them know who they are and what they want. As well as teach them about healthy/non-healthy relationships.
  • And it seems as if I am getting my chance to show them a better, more healthy relationship and therefore they will have a model and a whole new education (that I never had).
  • Without education on what they did wrong, how would know what to do right?
It is what it is, but it doesn’t have to be for my kids.

Can I 100% guarantee that my kids will not divorce? No, because statistically speaking 50% of ALL marriages end in divorce and personally speaking I cannot predict what their future spouse will be like, do or what my grown children will do either…but I do believe, if handled correctly, divorce can be the a tool to teach children the best lessons in self-discovery, marriage and yes, divorce.

Read more on Kids of Divorce

Truly,
Amber
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