A Fellow Divorcee Who Remarries is Still Divorced

Posted: August 1, 2011 in divorce, marriage
Tags: ,

In October of this year I will remarry.

Sometimes it’s uncomfortable to tell a fellow friend/divorcee you are getting remarried.

If they haven’t gotten married again they tend to look at you as if you have two heads and then follow it up by saying:
‘OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH’ (The Ohhh is usually paired with tones that go up and down from the O to the very last H’.

The other reaction I sometimes get is this:

Silence.

In the first situation, my guess (and this is strictly a guess) is that it’s about the friend thinking you’re crazy and now they have nothing in common with you.

It’s almost as if they feel the need to hit the ‘unfriend button’ on Facebook; they are about to write you off of their ‘cool friends list’ because, as of this moment, they don’t know you anymore…you are getting ‘re-married’ and will no longer be a divorcee.

Maybe they are against re-marriage and the bitterness is still oozing.

Or maybe, like in the second instance, I think (and again – just an assumption) they might be making comparisons between their divorce and yours and where they are in own their life compared to you. They are wondering why they are not getting remarried to someone they love.

More importantly they wonder why they are divorced in the first place, since that was not the original plan. (I know the feeling.)

I tend to feel a little guilty when someone responds to my news this way.

I purposely try not to bring it up or discuss it…I don’t want to hurt feelings…and I certainly don’t want them to be sad or not stay close to me because of it.

But I can’t blame them, I was there once too.

It took me six years of being divorced to know I was ready. I oozed bitterness and confusion, anger and sadness, just as much as the next divorce.

It took a lot of work to get rid of it all.

There isn’t a day that will go by in my life that I will not wish my first marriage worked out… and I can honestly say I know I am not the only one.

There are millions of confused divorcees that will never understand completely what went wrong…who did what…or why they ended up here. (A select few will admit to knowing before they walked down the aisle that it was all wrong. I was not one of them.)

Bottom line…

I will always be divorced.

Just because I am re-marrying does not mean my divorce will be erased. As other divorcees do, I will always carry certain scars. Though I feel grateful that with time the scars will fade.

Again, I’ve only shared assumptions and I know what they say about assuming…
I took a shot in the dark.

In about three months I will be a Mrs again, but I will continue writing this divorce blog and I still plan on writing divorce-self-help-books, because my divorce changed me for the better.

And as long as I have a memory… I will know, and remember, I am divorced…

I can only hope it helps me in my re-marriage…

I feel like it already has.

I’ve only shared my assumptions here…I know what they say about those…
Enlighten me and share yours…

We are in this together.

Truly Your Fellow Divorcee…
Amber

Truly,
Amber

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